It’s time for a blog I think …………..maybe not your usual ‘foodie’
type blog but hey, it’s time to throw a spanner in the works for once! Writing
seems to be my thing at the moment. I’ve had a couple of people recently tell
me they like my style, maybe I’ve finally found my hidden talent in life and
its a new career in the making. Seriously though, I do seem to quite like
writing. I find it helps me stay focused, it gives me peace of mind and it
gives me some kind of realisation that it’s fine to feel down and miserable and
all those things you feel when you lose someone you love but on the flip side
it makes me come out fighting on the other side, thinking I won’t let this
situation depress me, I have to pick myself back up and keep on going. That’s
exactly what Louise did and that’s exactly what I will do.
Naïve of me I know but I always thought you lost people you
loved who were old like your grandparents and then eventually when you get old
yourself you lose your parents, not your best friend at 36 years old. I’ve
known for a couple of years it ‘might’ happen but didn’t take it too seriously
because she always kept on bouncing back from surgery and treatment and
everything else thrown at her. I thought she was indestructible and kept
telling myself it would never happen. It has though and it’s actually been more
of a massive shock to the system than I could ever have imagined.
Some might say “you’ve just lost a friend; you’ll get over
it”. My god, that’s so far from the
truth I can’t tell you. She was my best friend, my soul mate and like a sister.
We were inseparable. We spent 27 years growing up together. From our first day at secondary school, to
first boyfriends, first drunken nights out, marriage, children, the list is
literally endless. We didn’t have your average type of “best friend”
relationship. What we had was extraordinary. It was special and maybe not
something many people have ever experienced. I am truly grateful and honoured
to say that I did experience that and I will never forget that and sadly no
matter how many wonderful friends I have in my life, which I am eternally
grateful for, no-one will ever replace that friendship we had together.
I’m at a point now where I don’t know what the ‘new’ way of
life is supposed to be or feel like.
Louise and I spoke every single day. How does my daily routine now adapt
to that never happening again? There isn’t an answer. It’s just going to be a
case of fathoming it out and letting nature take its course. What will be will
be. It’s not going to be easy but I’ll adapt. I have to for the sake of my own
sanity and for the love of my precious little family.
Louise never gave up. She was inspirational, positive,
strong, loving and caring. She was all those things that I want to be in memory
of her.
I’m not entirely sure what kind of response I’m going to get
from this blog if I’m honest, I’m hoping it’s positive. I certainly don’t want
sympathy that’s for sure. I don’t do sympathy. I think what I really want is
for people to tell me I’m good at writing, good at blogging, good at being
honest and just good at being me! There are certainly lots more blogs to come that’s
for sure.
This weekend is a weekend filled of entertaining which is what I
do best, and you know what……. I can’t bloody wait!
